Who I Am

7 weeks down, 1 to go.

Playing a VBS game

God has stretched these seven weeks into 49 long but fulfilling days. I anticipate seven more days of witnessing God at work among His people in Cancún. I pray the stubborn veils of familiarity and fear would not separate me from full immersion in God's process of making all things new (Revelation 21:5). 

I'm anxious to see what my next step is. 

Will it be coming back to Cancún to work here for a year? Will it be working and serving in Morristown, Nashville, New York, Indiana? Will it be grad school? Will I be using my media production major? What about music? Writing? Will I be helping people? Will I find fulfillment in the next phase of life? 

Where will I go? What will I do? Who will I be? 

Me and Gael, my buddy from last year

I'm resting (or trying to rest) in the fact that these questions do not matter so much as the One who goes before me no matter what: my Shepherd who has been faithful to lead me to the next patch of grass and sustenance in every transition: to my private high school, to Taylor University, to Ireland, to Mexico (twice.) 

I am His. 

In The Call, Guinness quotes Dietrich Bonhoeffer's poem. He wrote this in a prison cell not long before he was executed. I think it reflects my paranoia about who I seem to be, who I perceive myself to be, who I perceive others think I am, and who I actually am quite well. Perhaps you'll find a reflection of yourself here too. The last two stanzas are especially poignant.

Who am I?

Who am I? They often tell me

I would step from my cell's confinement

calmly, cheerfully, firmly,

Like a squire from his country-house.

Who am I? They often tell me

I would talk to my warders

freely and friendly and clearly, 

as though it were mine to command.

Who am I? They also tell me

I would bear the days of misfortune

equably, smilingly, proudly,

Like one accustomed to win.

Am I then really all that which other men tell of? 

Or am I only what I know of myself, 

restless and longing and sick, like a bird in a cage,

struggling for breath, as though hands were 

compressing my throat, 

hungry for colours, for flowers, for the voices of birds, 

thirsty for words of kindness, for neighbourliness,

trembling with anger at despotisms and 

petty humiliation,

caught up in expectation of great events,

powerlessly grieving for friends at an infinite distance,

weary and empty at praying, at thinking, at making, 

faint, and ready to lay farewell to it all? 

Who am I? This or the other?

Am I one person today, and tomorrow another?

Am I both at once? A hypocrite before others,

and before myself a contemptibly woebegone weakling? 

Or is something within me still like a beaten army,

fleeing in disorder from victory already achieved?

Who am I? They mock me, these lonely questions 

of mine. 

Whoever I am, thou knowest, O God, I am thine.

Praises:

• I encountered the man who I gave my Bible to last year at the market! He remembered me before I even said anything! He asked about Back2Back and a staff member gave him contact information. He seemed especially interested in Tres Reyes and the community center being built there. Wouldn't it be cool if he got involved with Back2Back?!? God is good.
• No more sickness or injuries lately--hurray! haha.

Prayer Requests:

• The integration of action steps for when I return home. I have written them down, now I just have to follow through with them.
• Complete immersion in what God is doing this week in Cancún. I want to put my whole heart into service here, that my every action would point undoubtedly to Christ.